The trope of 'I'm not like other girls' (NLOG) has always bothered me, and lately I can't help but notice it everywhere. Maybe since I'm in the middle of drafting a few books for my two pen names my senses are heightened to it. I'm not entirely sure. But every time I turn around, I find yet another example.
For those of you who may be unfamiliar with NLOG, this trope is when female characters (typically the main female character FMC) looks down her nose at things that are typically seen as girly. This can range from color choices, taste in music, eating habits, hobbies, and choice in movie/book entertainment. But it's not just the choices in these matters, that are dragged through the mud by the NLOG, it is the woman who like them. The NLOG if often times combative or catty about it, verbally attacking other women on the page/screen for being frivolous and stating they (the FMC) are of better quality because they do not waste their time on such shallow activities or pursuits. In short, the FMC is a superior woman, because she is not like other girls.
It can be extremely cringy to read inner monologues from these types of characters. A fellow author gave me an example of a novel where the FMC proudly stated she did not wash her face because she 'wasn't one of those girls'.
See what I mean by cringy?
Some people take this trope so far that basic hygiene, or skin problems, are beneath them.
But the issue runs deeper than simply being painful to read (or watch in a movie). This represents a fundamental issue of women not supporting women. This could stem from them being told by older (often, but not always, male) relatives trying to steer them away from frilly things and telling them not to be a frivolous girl while they are growing up. Or it could be a bout of adolescence. Desperate to break out from the mold and claim one's individuality, one rejects anything their female peers enjoy. It could be the individual genuinely doesn't like the color pink, but they come across way too harsh about it. No one is a better (or worse) person because of the colors they wear.
Honestly, I could go on. And on, and on, and on ... But I won't. I'm not a phycologist and this trope and the real-life women who embody it have many layers and depths. Some of it may be purposefully hostile, some of it may be subconscious. Rather, I want to focus on NLOG trope as it appears in books and how we as readers and authors can handle it.
Firstly, I want to make it clear, that while this trope irks me to no end, I by no means think it is always done intentionally or with malice. I think authors are under a lot of pressure to always craft distinct and unique characters (hence the plethora of very odd names, but that's another topic for another day). They try to give their FMCs quirks and traits that are unique and different each time. I know from experience that this can be difficult at times, and I often worry I am giving my book characters the same traits over and over again, forcing myself to re-read my drafts at 3am to assure myself, I have not. (fun times)
In addition, I think a lot of authors want FMCs that are relatable to the feeling of isolation. Loneliness, isolation, and not 'fitting in' have plagued everyone at some point in their lives. That makes this trait easy to sympathize with and evokes powerful emotion. After all, books and their main characters are there for us, the readers, to have a connection with. We watch them claw tooth and nail through their character ARCs, we are supposed to be rooting for them, or at the very least, sympathizing with them. (Unless the book in question is following a villain as they do horrendous acts, which is a whole other explanation of character ARC). If the characters are not relatable, it is harder to evoke emotion in the reader.
However, if either of these above examples is not done well, it comes across as an FMC that despises their own gender, and it reinforces gender stereotypes. No one likes stereotypes y'all!
It is OK to have a FMC that doesn't like dresses.
It is OK to have a FMC who doesn't like make-up.
It is the NLOG trope to have a FMC that mocks other women who like these things.
It is the NLOG trope to have a FMC that thinks they are superior because of these preferences.
Is it truly necessary to perpetuate the stereotype of women tearing each other down so one can look better? Unless this is being painted as a negative trait in the book that the character needs to overcome, the answer is 'no'.
In writing my own novels I try very hard to show my FMCs as well rounded and unique while avoiding the dreaded NLOG trope.
How?
Sometimes they wear baggy sweats, sometimes they wear ruffles and dresses.
Sometimes they wear make-up, sometimes they don't.
And they never look down their nose at other women for their choices in these matters.
This, in my personal opinion, is the biggest distinction between character 'quirks' and the NLOG trope. How they treat women who make different choices than them and have different interests. How they talk about, or to, other women. In short, thinking they are superior to other women because of their likes and dislikes. When in doubt ask yourself 'would this pass the Elle Woods vibe check?'.
So, if you are reading a book that has this trope, what do you do?
I suggest leaving a review clearly stating this trope is in the book and you didn't appreciate it. (Unless the NLOG trope doesn't bother you, in that case carry on!) I do NOT suggest contacting the author directly or starting a smear campaign. Just something to leave feedback and let other readers know. The more feedback that reaches the author and publishing team, the higher the chances of the author not including it in subsequent works. And your review can help other readers who may despise this trope, know to avoid the book or to read with caution.
If you are a fellow author, I hope you take this TED talk/rant into consideration when crafting your own stories. Strive for balance in your characters. Ask yourself if it's really necessary for your FMC to tear others down in order to bring herself up. (Unless this is painted as a negative character flaw. no one is perfect) and please try to avoid FMCs looking down at every female character who does something feminine. If you are unsure if this is in your novel, you can always ask your editor or beta readers to keep an eye out for it.
I hope this helps you become more aware of how this can plague people outside of books in our daily lives.
The woman behind this guest blog post is a multi-genre author in horror and newly, paranormal romance. Her debut book under her romance pen name, Margot Primrose, is set to release in 2025. Follow her on Instagram to learn more or stay tuned for future guest blog posts.
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